I was torn - my feelings had gotten the best of me and I was left with no options. There was nothing I could hold onto, no solid ground, no comfort, no stability. To my surprise, this wasn't as unbearable as I'd imagined it to be. I'd been surprised at how fast I could move on- not that I'm where I want to be - but when there is a connection, there is a connection, and the chemistry was so strong my body shivered, my face blushed and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wished to be held, longed to be touched, but I knew it wasn't real, he was playing me like he'd play a game of tennis with his friends. I don't doubt that he liked me, very much in fact, and that I pleased him so. But it was not real, and of this I was certain. He was completely aware, as was I, that there was nothing really there except for these thrilling fantasies. I also knew he wasn't right for me, at least not for more than a little while. Depending on how long I could endure his tormenting games. I knew that the less exciting of the two, but still a passionate man, could be of better interest, but there was no way to convince myself of choosing him over the excitement that was waiting for me in the Upper East Side. I had to try it. I had to. I would live a life of misery if I didn't.
I had to.
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