It'll be two months in two weeks; I remember both days quite well. I had not heard from you in quite some time - I was trying to keep my distance, give you some space. You finally called, I remember, I left my class to answer your call, you had me tied around a little string, you really did. The young helpless puppy chasing after its mother, yearning for her warmth, for her comfort. I followed you hopelessly, round and round, it's only now that I realize this. I am sorry.

That night, when I went right you went left. I came to you, and with no hesitation, you turned away and ran in the opposite direction - I should have seen the signs before this; nobody cared to show me. I should have realized I had us trapped in a cage. I shouldn't have put you, or me, for that matter, in this situation. I don't blame you.

We drove around, I couldn't stop smiling, part of me, the drunk part, wanted to drive around all night with you, aimlessly. I wanted to stay with you, there, before the problems beyond the proximity of the car could taint our pure love and happiness. I remember your hand being on the steering wheel, I grabbed for it, but you pulled away. I knew this would probably be the last time we would spend the night together. Some part of me knew this was the reality, that things just weren't working out, but I couldn't come to terms with it, I couldn't imagine not being able to just drive around like this anymore, I couldn't imagine not lying in bed for hours before actually crawling out of it, hugging each other, rolling around, it was too much to bear, so I just kept on smiling, told you I loved you and loved being with you and when you responded with "so do I", I knew you were lying but I just smiled, turned my head and stared out my window into the sky, watching the blurry stream of lights guide us home.

I tried my hardest for the night to never end, I wanted to stay with you forever, I swear to god, I'm not exaggerating. You know that feeling, you can feel it when it starts slipping through your fingers; your body freezes, there are so many pieces to pick up, where do you start where do you start?! That is the problem, there was nowhere to start. It was helpless, hopeless, a million little pieces scattered on the floor. I am so sorry.

How I cried that night, I cried, in your arms, for the last time, I knew. I cry, and will cry forever, it seems, for you. I wake in the morning and it lies in my gut, I feel sick, all the time.